The Invisible Scar
The Invisible Scar
By Kimberly Reyes
There’s a certain paradox with trauma. It can simultaneously lie dormant or rage wild engulfing everything in sight. Birth trauma can be particularly insidious. The injuries often go not only unseen but in many cases unacknowledged. Traumatic experiences have long been endemic to the NICU but recent events have led to a moment where many women with “normal” births have also undergone undue stress and hardship. Understanding the hallmarks of trauma and reconciling the reality of the experience with the previous expectations is the first step to real and genuine recovery.
Understanding Trauma
Research has shown that there are four main hallmarks of birth trauma. The first of which is an involuntary reliving of the event. This can manifest in the form of recurring dreams, visions, or even unwanted memories. There is a sense that even when an effort is made to just “move past” the injury, one cannot help but relive the experience. The second goes hand in hand with the first in that when one experiences such unwanted reminders, the natural response is to avoid anything that would trigger a reminder. This avoidance itself is a manifestation of having experienced trauma. Hypervigilance is the third. We often hear mothers discuss the need to constantly monitor or just check if everything is ok. And while this may seem normal, when it manifests itself in an obsessive pattern there should be some cause for concern. The final piece of this is a general sense of emotional “lowness”, or an inability to just “snap out of it”. It is often manifested by an overwhelming sense of guilt that somehow the negative birth experience was your own fault.
The symptoms themselves can be equally as difficult to point out as the causes themselves. Every woman experiences pregnancy and birth in a unique way. The same is true for the traumatic experience itself. The causes themselves can range from the most obviously dramatic to the seemingly mundane. No one in particular being any less valid than the former. Some women experience difficult pregnancies which end in emergency surgeries and lengthy hospitalizations for themselves and their babies. While others report poor treatment by staff, a sense of losing control or lack of privacy as the causes for their residual sense of unease. Traditionally the often high-risk and emergent nature of births that end in then NICU were where a majority of cases of birth trauma were identified but in the wake of new Covid realities traumatic experiences are becoming much more commonplace even with so called “normal births” Stories of women being forced to labor alone, under duress and without the support systems they had planned to rely on have become widespread. All over the country birth doulas and other support partners have been banned from bedsides and hospitals themselves. It is fair to say that we will see a dramatic uptick in the incidences of traumatic experiences as time goes on. So the question arises: what can be done to mitigate the effects and offer women the support that they need.
Healing and the Road to Recovery
As varied as the causes themselves are, so too are the many ways that birth trauma can be treated. There is no one-size-fits-all remedy for any experience, especially one as nuanced and personal as this. That being said, there is a common thread of guilt woven throughout so many experiences. It is so important that women come to peace with that feeling. We must scream from the proverbial rooftops until every last mother hears; “It was NOT your fault!” We repeat, “It was NOT your fault.” Nothing you did caused what happened. Once this sense of guilt is finally overcome, it is only then that true healing can begin.
As with any traumatic event a sympathetic ear is of the utmost importance. Women need to not only acknowledge these feelings, but also find someone they can take into their confidence. So much of what leads to birth trauma and sustained suffering is an overwhelming sense of isolation. Women must seek out that community of support and that community also has the obligation to make itself available. Check in on that new mom down the street or on your newsfeed. Self care is paramount when it comes to healing. Women must make time for themselves in even the smallest ways and those partners and other support allies should make it a point to give them the time and space to do so. We have a system that is failing mothers in so many ways. It is our job as partners, allies, friends, family, neighbors and even strangers in the supermarket to make sure we support mothers. Giving them the tools to heal, flourish and nurture our future.
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