Mothering The Mother
Mothering The Mother
By Kimberly Reyes
It has been said that when a child is born so is the mother. Not to say that the woman she once was suddenly vanishes into thin air, but rather that a new facet has been added to the wholeness of her being. It is an irreversible transformation, the true depth of which is often overlooked as our focus shifts to the tiny new life she has brought into the world. The fragility of this new life and the attention required to sustain, let alone nurture it, can seem like the only thing that matters. We often push the other newborn person to the wayside and in doing so, end up doing a disservice to both mother and child
Mothering the mother is a concept that embraces the idea that the new mother is herself a ‘newborn’ and in need of care in the same way the infant is. Our modern concept of ‘do-it-all’ motherhood and a social structure which lacks communal support sets the stage for women being isolated and ignored at one of their most vulnerable of moments. It is here that we need to take a page from older and more traditional practices of postpartum care and reevaluate our whole approach.
When one begins to look into traditional practices of postpartum care around the world there is a central and underlying theme. The consistent undercurrent is that care for the mother is as essential as care for the baby. For example, millennia old practice in China dictates that the mother is cared for by family for 30 days after she gives birth. She is given herbs and foods to aid recovery and boost milk supply while being encouraged to indulge in restorative rest. India’s use of ayurvedic medicine prescribes remedies that heal the womb and restore the woman’s strength, while the baby is massaged and bathed in the same healing waters. Stories of practices in the Ivory Coast speak of a tradition just after the baby is born. The women of the family descend on the house of the new mother and while she is given a bath of shea butter by her own mother, the baby is bathed and cared for by other relatives. During this whole process a special meal is prepared and when it is finished the entire family encloses the mother and baby in a circle while they lie down to nap under watchful loving eyes. The Hopi people of the American Southwest speak of a 20 day lying in period during which the newborn mother is served special ceremonial foods, prepared by elders versed in the technique. Across Latin America, Eastern Europe and Asia this postpartum period is marked by rest and restoration.
This is in stark contrast to practices here in the United States. In the U.S. 1 in 4 women returns to work just 10 days after giving birth. Only 14% of American workers even have access to paid leave and when they do have the opportunity to take a mere 6 weeks, it is often alone and isolated from any kind of support. Women are forced to navigate self care and childcare without intergenerational wisdom, support or even professional guidance. This has only worsened in our current climate. Forced isolation from friends and family has left women more alone and vulnerable than even before. We must seek to address these issues in our own communities and also as a society as a whole. We need to be the village that each newborn mother so richly deserves.
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